he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
