She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
