I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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