What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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