She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
