so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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