saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
