I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
