i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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