Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
