i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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