Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize