i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
