Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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