then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
