how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
