The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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