All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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