If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
