do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
