Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
