every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
