Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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