There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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