we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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