i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will be naked everywhere
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
