he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
