You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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