just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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