Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
