I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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