Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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