i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
