my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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