You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
