Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
