What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
