just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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