i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
