**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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