I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
