Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
