She said her name was "party"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
