Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
only you would photoshop your dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
