There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
