your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I faked an abortion last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
