turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
