his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
