there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
