Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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