I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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