I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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