I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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