I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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