Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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