I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
