What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
