I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
