she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
