i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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