You really coming over, don't trick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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