i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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