I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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